Step right up, ladies and gents!
Take a peek inside these sideshow tents! For you will see the greatest of all our shows: The magnificent man called Fabio!

Alive! Real! He's on our stage!
We've trapped him in a cast-iron cage!
Caught him running wild on the Island of Bongo, Just a few miles from the shore of the Congo!

His magnificent mane is caked by dust, it's true! But we've captured him here, alive! For you! For all to see, to wonder, to stare --
Step right up and peek -- if you dare!

Fabio caged! Fabio chained!
Throw rocks if you will, we don't care if he's brained! Pay your money and get your kicks as you please!
Forget that he's human! Just get your sick release!

Laugh at him, mock him, despise him -- you must! Satisfy that emptiness in you which is stronger than lust! For he reminds us all of what we could be if we strived. And so we feel inadequate as long as he's alive!

So come with your insults and rocks and implements! Bring them in here, into our sideshow tents! Sneer and jeer and spit and bray --
It will make you feel better! So do it today!!!

Fabio caged! Alive! Real!
We know how inconsequential he makes you feel! So come on in with your shouts and your stones! Don't worry, my friends -- you'll not be alone!