Bite Me Alien Scum!  or How to Avoid Trendy Cinema Assaults

I always take the release of a major motion picture, chock full of special effects, laden with non-actors, claiming to be bigger than Jurrassic Park, as a sign that it is time to go out, dig around and find me some of those savory independent films I missed, overlooked or neglected during the last local film festival. I saw Jurassic Park. I did not pay to see it. I still wanted to leave in the middle. As you would suspect the release this summer of the blockbuster hit Independence Day - ID4 set off the highway flare of the gods in my head signalling me to quickly run to the dingiest rep theater I could find and see something worth my while. So far I have avoided having to absorb more than a few trailers for ID4 and I have some sort of bizarre and twisted empowerment going on inside my head because of it. While the rest of America's brains glossed over with the fine sheen of mold which results from consumption of king-sized packages of Twizzlers and viewing spiritually empty flickering celluloid imagery I managed to catch a film I had almost forgotten existed.

goodbye barney
Barney gets his ass toasted by alien invaders in ID4???
Most people I know who went to see ID4 said it sucked. Gee! Whodathunkit? The other few that haven't reported mass suckage from this experience have claimed to have gone simply for the special effects. Don't get me wrong I am more than happy to engage in a mindless film. Action films serve a very special primal purpose in our lives. I do not watch team sports. I need this testosterone blast that comes from a good "guns and explosions" movie once in a while. My problem stems from when I finally give in to this three stair stumble backwards down the staircase of evolution and I am assaulted by a film that, despite its special effects and non-stop action still sucks. I had seen ID4 when I was 8 years old only back then it was entitled War of the Worlds and it was historically important, entertaining and intelligent- and remains so to this day.

Now - back to the special effects thing. Consuming the newest and hipest special effects is a ritual that seems to almost defy reason in present day society. My explanation is that marijuana is too expensive, LSD is too weak, and heroine is heroin (go see the film Trainspotting). Special effects have become a drug for us, the little taste of the surreal and the outrageous that we can experience without breaking the law (now that we are older and more responsible). Kids also love special effects. They live for the surreal, the outlandish, and the overtop. This all makes special effects based movies the coolest thing to come along in family entertainment. Moms and dads who are too old to do drugs anymore get their fix of psychedelia and the kids who live in a complete world of surrealism and non-reality as it is feel right at home. With this in mind Hollywood churns out a few of these pictures a year that have nothing going for them but special effects.

That rant aside - I had set off at the release of ID4 to see a kicking special effects flick that wasn't ID4 and had some redeeming value. What I found was a film that had, upon its original release, somehow slipped through my fingers but was now, conveniently, playing at one of the smaller, dingier, rep theaters in San Francisco. My personal ibuprofren for the headache I call ID4 was a film by Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro - The City of Lost Children.

How this film had slipped by me in its first release remains a mystery to me. In any case, Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro were the directorial team that delivered the film Delicatessen to us in 1991. All I will say about Delicatessen is SEE IT! I immediately had high hopes for City of Lost Children the minute I stepped foot in the theater and I was certainly not disappointed when I left. Having grown up with Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory being my favorite children's film and despising all that was Disney - this film charmed and amazed the living hell out of me. It is the most beautiful children's film I have ever seen.

When America took the turn and decided that all children's films should be fluffy politically correct non-emotionally scaring entertainment to mindlessly entrap the youth into some Barneyoid daze was a day that the children's film market went straight down the toilet. Art, at best, should be a reflection of life, a statement both philosophical and political on the condition we exist in. I don't live in Disneyland and I never wanted to as a kid either. The creepiness of Willy Wonka, the underlying evil of that Chocolate Factory was sooooo cool. Willy Wonka taught me that even the fantasy world of a chocolate factory can be a dangerous and criminal place. It also taught me, at a young age, about differences in personalities amongst kids and parents and the results of parenting techniques and their obvious consequences. Needless to say it was a landmark and we will never see a film like it in major Hollywood release again.

Scene from film
A child's dreams are stolen in
The City of Lost Children
City of Lost Children is right there in the same boat as Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. Like the fairy tales we were read as kids (this is prior to Barneyization of children's literature as well) this was an extremely bizzarre and dark tale that still was an immense amount of fun. If you are a fan of Terry Gilliam's Brazil this is a must see. The sets and characters have very Brazilesque overtones (um undertones - not sure which to use). Gorgeous, surreal set designs and magical creatures such as the partially mechanical flea or the human/cyborg cyclops abound. The film touches you on a basic level that entrances and frightens you at the same time. I do not want to give away the story at all....it just is not worth it. The film speaks for itself as far as the plot is concerned.

I honestly thought that there would never be a decent children's film again until recent years. Between City of Lost Childen and the Channel 4 produced Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb I can be happy in knowing that some child, somewhere might be getting a non-Barneyoid view of the world as well as a mighty dose of surrealism and fantasy. These films seem to add to the rich creativity and understanding that children develop and not strip it away with easily memorizable pop ditties and action figurines that have been altered and glamorized historically so as to present nothing that the original possessed. I learned the real story of Pocahontas and John Smith in school when I was a kid. It is not anywhere near what Disney presented to the youth of today. Any adult whose child fell prey to the Pocohantas phenomenon should pick up the issue of Smithsonian Magazine published in the month Pocahontas was released and refamiliarize themselves with the history and set their child down and tell them the real history behind Disney's grotesque alteration. It also amazes me that it is the same parents I have heard for ages complaining about the body image issues that result from Barbie dolls and the Miss America aesthethic that were taking their kids to see Pocahantas time and again. For god's sake the way Disney portrayed Pocahantas could give me body image problems never mind what it could do to a kid.

Just a few items of interest:

  • Pocahantas did not look like an Indian/Asian Barbie doll
  • Pocahantas had a shaved head
  • Pocahantas had tattoos on her face
I grew up in a time period when Disney was first trying to hide the fact that Snow White had a sister named Rose Red. The story of Snow White and Rose Red is tragic and I still carry inside of me today a sense for the trauma that results from rape and exploitation because of this original Grimm's fairy tale. The book of fairy tales in my childhood home was old, really old. These fairy tales were creepy. These tales didn't leave me with a happy rhyme in my head that I could sing while I played with my McDonald Happy Meal toy while my eyes slowly glazed over and blocked out what the real world was all about. Through these stories I learned the importance of respect, compassion, acceptance and most of all the fact that world is a scarey-ass place.

In today's right wing cesspool we call a world it is a glorious thing that a film as dark as The Wizard of Oz has survived as a classic children's film. It has survived in an age where developers of children's entertainment feel that anything directed at a child must sing, have big round eyes and fall on its ass alot to be fun.

Come on! Kids love to have the shit scared out of them. We would go way out of our way to scare ourselves when we were kids. It was a complete and utter rush. What child has not invented imaginary demons and devils in their minds just to self-traumatize themselves and their friends for fun. The Wizard of Oz broached real issues both political and emotional - sorry to say none of the new Disney films has come close. Hey, that giant flaming Wizard of Oz head is some bitchin stuff as far as special effects go too - not to mention the horse of many colors and those monkeys.

Whoa! - tangent alert......Just goes to show you what happens if you just type and don't pay attention to what you are typing about. This diatribe is supposed to get you to see City of Lost Children. It was supposed to tell you how great a directorial team Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro are. It was even supposed to tell you a bit about costume designs which were created by Jean Paul Gaultier, l'enfant terrible of fashion surrealism. And the special effects - yes the Special Effects! The creators of ID4 can truly bite me. I have not seen anything quite so glorious in ages. I must apologize for the caffeine laden digression into Disney slamming. These things happen. These things happen, especially if you realize that a film such as The City of Lost Children glorifies the importance of a child's hopes and dreams instead of stripping them of as many thought processes as possible and insulting the intelligence of the viewer, young and old alike. Maybe I am mistaken but I believe the arts should invoke thought, whether new thoughts of our own or thoughts akin to those the artist may have been feeling when creating the object. It is a sad world when our commercials on television possess more artistic integrity and social value than the major motion pictures we feed our paychecks and free thought to.

By the way The City of Lost Children is available on videotape (I do recommend big screen though). There is a really cool website for the film too. Maybe let your children decide. Let them see City of Lost Children and Hunchback of Notre Dame on the same night. It might be interesting to see which one of those films they remember as having some sort of impact on them 10 years from now.


contact the author via email: aherrick@auricular.com